The past two days have been, in some ways, the worst I've had in a very long time. For those of you who don't know me personally, I started band camp Monday. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be, I was actually enjoying being outside part of the time and the music rehearsals were fine. The news we recieved Monday afternoon, however, shattered everything. To almost everyone in the room, it was great news. The SHS Wind Ensemble has been invited to perform at Carnagie Hall. Again, those of you who don't know me personally, I've been a member of the Wind Ensemble for the past two years, last year sitting second chair. Under different circumstances, I would be just as excited as everyone else about this news, but circumstances are not different. This trip is going to cost an exceptional amount of money and Wind Ensemble members are required to go. In addition to New York, I was going to have to pay $150 to go to St. Louis for the BOA Super Regional Marching Contest in October. Because next year is my senior year (senoir portraits, college application fees, etc.) and I'm also saving up to do foreign exchange, I'm not going to have a lot of extra cash. On top of that, I have to start paying my dad back for my laptop soon and my parents are planning on sending Heather to Europe with the Chorale next year.  I just wouldn't be able to do this trip.

    Unfortunately that means I wouldn't be in Wind Ensemble. I would be stuck in Concert Band for the second half of the year, and in my opinion that's a waste of my time. I'm too good for Concert Band, it's not enough of a challenge and I get bored. I've already had tremendous conflicts with my schedule, inside and outside of school, due to band and those conflicts would not even be worth it if I wasn't enjoying myself.

    So yesterday after rehearsal I broke the news to Mr. Z. The worst part was that he completely understood and wasn't angry with me about it. He said he'd hate to lose me and would fight for me to stay in if that was what I really wanted, but that he would understand if I chose to quit. I would have almost rather he'd bitch me out or yelled and screamed at me.

    Needless to say, I've spent countless hours crying and sobbing over it. I keep thinking I made the wrong choice, that if I save every paycheck and not spend a cent out of line, that I could do it. Band has become such a big part of my life that I feel like there's this big hole now that I'm not there anymore. It'd be different if I'd graduated out of it like everyone else. I just wasn't prepared for this. It came too quickly. I know not having band will also give me more time for debate, student council, all the clubs I'm in and then college stuff, but it hurts so bad right now. I just wish there was another way...