I got this meme from a friend and thought it sounded fun.

Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play.
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from.
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly.

So start guessing!

1. Maybe I'll go travelling for a year,
    Finding myself or start a career.
    I could work for the poor though I'm hungry for fame,
   We all seem so different but we're just the same.

2. There goes my baby
    She knows how to rock 'n' roll
    She drives me crazy
    She gives me hot and cold fever
    Then she leaves me in a cool cool sweat

3. It's far beyond a stars,
    It's near beyond the moon,
    I know beyond a doubt,
    My heart will lead me there soon.

4. Some get their kicks from cocaine.
    I'm sure that if I took even one sniff,
    That would bore me terrifically too
    But I get a kick out of you.

5.  If someone in a movie show
    Yelled "Fire in the second row,
    This whole place is a powder keg!"
    You'd notice him.

6. So clearly, I've let myself go.
    So does admission take my sins to a new low?
    And when you're way down there,
    You'll find all those old friends you used to know
    And they're gonna help you
    Get yourself back to the ground.

7. My love must be some kind of blind love.
    I don't see anybody but you.
    The moon may be high,
    But I can't see a thing in the sky
    'Cause I only have eyes for you.

8. Romeo loved Juliet,
    Juliet she felt the same.
    When he put his arms around her,
    He said, "Julie baby you're my flame."

9. They found little Annie all covered with ice
    Still clutchin' her poor frozen shears
    Amidst all the blossoms she had fashioned by hand
    And watered with all her young tears.

10. Resolutions, well baby they come and go,
     Will I do any of these things? The answers probably no.
      But if there's one thing I must do, despite my greatest fears
      I'm gonna say to you, how I felt all of these years.

11. And I know how it feels to have wings on your heels.
      And to fly down the street in a trance.
      You fly down the street on a chance that you'll meet.
      And you'll meet, not by chance.

12. Give me trumpets... legato
      Put some saxes with 'em
      Strings ... pizzicato
      Add some rhythm.

13. These are the times of love and meaning,
      Ice of the heart melted away, and found the light.
      These are the days of endless dreaming,
      Troubles of life are floatin' away like a bird of flight.

14. Lead me out on the moonlit floor.
      Lift your open hand.
      Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
      Silver moon's sparkling.

15. For the passions that thrill love
      Lift you high to heaven
      Are the passions that kill lov
      And lead ya down to hell

16. Stars fading but I linger on, dear---
      Still craving your kiss.
      I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear,
      Just saying this...

17. Fill my heart with song
      Let me sing for ever more
      You are all I long for
      All I worship and adore
      In other words, please be true
      In other words, I love you

18. If there's music in the night,
      And it's really, really right,
      It's the only thing I need.
      It intoxicates your mind,
      All your troubles left behind
      So come on and take my lead.
      It's not just me who feels it.
      Music plays a mind trick.
      Watch me forget about missing you.

19. Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face.
      I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase.
      You tell me where to go and
      Though I might leave to find it
      I'll never let your head hit the bed
      Without my hand behind it.

20.  I know the only one for me can only be you.
      My arms won't free you
      And my heart won't try.

21. Tu sais j'ai tout donné
      Mon amour et mon humilité
      Dans ce cimetière des sentiments
      J'ai fait danser
      Danser les morts

22. Oh I know that the music's fine
      Like sparklin' wine, go and have your fun.
      Laugh and sing, but while we're apart
      Don't give your heart to anyone.

23. It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
      It's compromise that moves us along.
      My heart is full and my door's always open,
      You can come anytime you want.

24. Now that shes back from that soul vacation
      Tracing her way through the constellation,
      She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
      Reminds me that there's room to grow.

25. You give your hand to me
      And then you say good-bye.
      I watch you walk away
      Beside the lucky guy.
      You'll never never know
      The one who loves you so.

   The past two days have been, in some ways, the worst I've had in a very long time. For those of you who don't know me personally, I started band camp Monday. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be, I was actually enjoying being outside part of the time and the music rehearsals were fine. The news we recieved Monday afternoon, however, shattered everything. To almost everyone in the room, it was great news. The SHS Wind Ensemble has been invited to perform at Carnagie Hall. Again, those of you who don't know me personally, I've been a member of the Wind Ensemble for the past two years, last year sitting second chair. Under different circumstances, I would be just as excited as everyone else about this news, but circumstances are not different. This trip is going to cost an exceptional amount of money and Wind Ensemble members are required to go. In addition to New York, I was going to have to pay $150 to go to St. Louis for the BOA Super Regional Marching Contest in October. Because next year is my senior year (senoir portraits, college application fees, etc.) and I'm also saving up to do foreign exchange, I'm not going to have a lot of extra cash. On top of that, I have to start paying my dad back for my laptop soon and my parents are planning on sending Heather to Europe with the Chorale next year.  I just wouldn't be able to do this trip.

    Unfortunately that means I wouldn't be in Wind Ensemble. I would be stuck in Concert Band for the second half of the year, and in my opinion that's a waste of my time. I'm too good for Concert Band, it's not enough of a challenge and I get bored. I've already had tremendous conflicts with my schedule, inside and outside of school, due to band and those conflicts would not even be worth it if I wasn't enjoying myself.

    So yesterday after rehearsal I broke the news to Mr. Z. The worst part was that he completely understood and wasn't angry with me about it. He said he'd hate to lose me and would fight for me to stay in if that was what I really wanted, but that he would understand if I chose to quit. I would have almost rather he'd bitch me out or yelled and screamed at me.

    Needless to say, I've spent countless hours crying and sobbing over it. I keep thinking I made the wrong choice, that if I save every paycheck and not spend a cent out of line, that I could do it. Band has become such a big part of my life that I feel like there's this big hole now that I'm not there anymore. It'd be different if I'd graduated out of it like everyone else. I just wasn't prepared for this. It came too quickly. I know not having band will also give me more time for debate, student council, all the clubs I'm in and then college stuff, but it hurts so bad right now. I just wish there was another way...

   I don't know how many of my scattered readers follow any specific religious doctrines or have any type or spiritual beliefs, but a thought ran through my mind as I was reading the blog of a friend. This friend has just gone through a spiritual transformation but still clings to a lot of old beliefs any practices. Reading his weblog reminded me of one of the catch phrases that was used in my church and with my friends when I was a regular church-goer.

   Growing up in a Southern Baptist minister's family, I was exposed to nearly every doctrinal practice, phrase, set of beliefs in that denomination. One phrase that I heard countless times was the saying that "Christ filled a void in my soul that nothing else could". This phrase bothered me when I was younger, but I couldn't quite put my finger on the reason why. Now that I'm older and more spiritually mature, the reason is clearer. I'd "accepted Christ" at a very early age, even for a miister's child- three and a half. My mother used to say I was like John the Baptist kicking in the womb. For those of you who don't know the story, she just meant that I was spiritually aware, or in touch with God, practically from the time I was concieved. I could barely remember a time when I wasn't a "born again" christian and had no idea what people were talking about when they mentioned a "void" that God filled. I'd never had a chance to experience the said void, and wouldn't according to the church and my family because I'd already been "saved". I was already questioning and challenging some of the concepts of Christianity and this just added to my suspiscions.

   It wasn't until after after my parents were divorced and my dad was with someone else that I began to understand what that void was. I'd been living with it for some time. It had nothing to do with a hole that only God could fill, but everything to do with the fact that I wasn't happy with myself. It's something I've seen in so many people and most don't even realize it's there. For me the "void" didn't fill until I was able to accept myself for who I was and love myself anyway.

   What many people don't understand about voids is that they're a lot like wounds. You try to stuff them with something to make it feel like they're not there: drugs, alchohal, food, work, TV, anythinig to get your mind off of it. But all you end up getting is and infection. Filling a void with religion isn't much better because even then you aren't forgiving yourself. Instead of accepting yourself for who and what you are, you cry about how horrible you are, unworthy of God's grace, using self-loathing as a filler. Even worse, there are hundreds of people around you saying how awful they are- maybe you don't have to feel so horrible about being such a bad person. You put a patch on the hole claiming that Christ's blood will make up for the your lack of self-acceptance. But when you lay in bed at night, that heart ache is still there, despite that show you put on.

   Love yourself for who you are. God didn't put millions of people on this earth to be sent to the firey depths for being just as he created them. God doesn't throw one of his children in the oven because they have a different relationship with him than their brother or sister. Find your bliss, the thing that fills the void and seals it shut. Find what you believe in your heart of hearts, but also know that what you find may not be what everyone else finds. You are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are human. Let yourself be loved so you can love others. Be all that you can be and more, then see God's smiling face shining down saying, "You've done it, my child. " 

I love this song!

Paris

Camille- Le Sac des Filles

Fini les balades
Le long du canal
Les escaliers des cartes postales
C'est fini Paris
C'est décidé je me barre
Fini le ciel gris
Les matins moroses
On dit qu'à Toulouse les briques sont roses
Oh là bas, Paris, les briques sont roses

Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte
Que je change
De cap de capitale
Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte
Que je te plaque
Sur tes trottoirs sales

Je connais trop ta bouche
Bouche de métro
Les bateaux mouche et la couleur de l'eau
C'est fini, Paris
Je les connais trop
Ici je m'ennuie
Même quand vient la nuit
On dit que Séville s'éveille à minuit
Là-bas, Paris la ville s'éveille à minuit

Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte
Que je change
De cap de capitale
Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte
Que je te plaque
Sur tes trottoirs sales

A Toulouse il a plu
A Séville j'ai trop bu
A Rio j'ai eu le mal du pays
Oh ! Paris perdu
Je retourne vivre à Paris.

   OMG, I'm so exicted right now. Around 2:00 this afternoon the doorbell rang as I was changing. I peeked out the window and saw the UPS truck outside. I wasn't fully dressed so I hoped the UPS guy would just leave the package so I could get it in a minute, but he kept knocking on the door. So I threw a t-shirt on haphazardly and made my way to the door. "Sorry about that," I said as I opened the door, "I was changing." "Oh that's fine," replied the delivery man, "I'm just glad someone was home. I've got a Dell here. Can't leave that on the porch." At first I wasn't sure what was up. Maybe Joel ordered a printer or something..., I thought. When I asked the guy who it was for and he said my name, I was stunned. I signed the pad and brought the package inside. Then I saw who it was from- my dad. Oh my god, I thought,  My Dad got my a Dell notebook! We'd been talking about him ordering one for me and I would send him the money for the payments, but I had no clue he was going to do it when he did. 

   So for a few hours before I had to go to work and since I got off, I've been working on my new toy! (Not really a toy but it sure feels like Christmas!) It's a great machine. It's a Dell Inspiron B130 with a 60g hardrive and 1g of RAM. Very fast and very nice. I'm so happy!! Thank-you, Dad!!!

   In the summer months there's one thing that nearly everyone has on there mind at one time or another: the temperature. Living in Oklahoma, it's not uncommon for one to experience temperatuures in the high 90's and low 100's of fahrenheit degrees. But what led me to write today's entry wasn't the weather. I was actually verifying the correct spelling of the word fahrenheit for use on my profile section when I stumbled on some interesting information on the origins of the scale and it's founder, Gabriel Fahrenheit. I know this is kind of nerdy for a blog entry, but I found it very interesting. If you don't much care for silly trivia, scientific facts, or expanding and enhancing  that grey mass inside of the large spherical object resting on your shoulders, wait for a later entry.

So here are the facts:

~Fahrenheit established the zero (0 °F) and 100 °F points on his scale by recording the lowest outdoor temperatures he could measure, and his own body temperature.

~Fahrenheit fixed his own body temperature as 100 °F (normal body temperature is closer to 98.6 °F, suggesting that Fahrenheit was suffering a fever when he conducted his experiments or that his thermometer was inaccurate), and divided his original scale into twelve divisions; later dividing each of these into 8 equal subdivisions produced a scale of 96 degrees.

~Some say that Fahrenheit himself was a Freemason. In Freemasonry, there are 32 degrees of enlightenment, 32 being the highest. The use of the 'degree' as well is said to have been derived from the degrees of masonry.

~Another theory states that Fahrenheit based 0 degrees on an estimate of the temperature someone would freeze to death, and 100 degrees on the temperature someone would die of heat exhaustion from, therefore making 0 to 100 the livable range for human beings.

Okay, I'm done with my nerdy escapade.

Lauren

Well, not really boom, but I just got done shooting off some fireworks fountains and sparklers... hee hee. Only downside is I burnt my little finger!  Oh well... price for being a pyro.

   Yesterday a my mom and I were roaming around Blockbuster looking for a couple things to rent for the weekend. She'd wanted to see The Libertine but it doesn't come out until the 4th. As we were wandering around the drama section in the S's, I made the offhand comment that I'd never seen Schindler's List. My mom turned around and looked at me like I was a ghost. "You've never seen Schindler's List?!" her eyes all big, her face looked like I'd said I had the plague. "That's it," she said matter-of-factly, "We're renting it and you're watching it this weekend." So we walked out with I am Sam (a GREAT movie, we watched it last night), Schindler's List, and Brokeback Mountain (an odd combination, I know). We watched Schindler's List this afternoon after I got off work, and let me tell you, it was INCREDIBLE!!! Anyone who hasn't seen it, go out and rent it tonight, it's a must see. My mom claims that it should be on the required viewing list for all High School students and I whole-heartedly agree. So go out there and see it. It'll depress, torment, and disgust you, but in a way it's necessary that it does.

This song says it all. Thanks Zack for the great read!

Hard Love

by Bob Franke

I remember growing up like it was only yesterday,
Mom and Daddy tried their best to guide me on my way.
But the hard times and the liquor drove the easy love away,
And the only love I knew about was hard love.

It was hard love every hour of the day,
When Christmas to my birthday was a million miles away.
And the fear that came between them drove the tears
     into my play,
There was love in daddy's house, but it was hard love.

I recall the gentle courtesy you showed me as I tried
To dissemble in politeness all the love I felt inside.
And for every song of laughter was another song that cried,
This ain't no easy weekend, this is hard love.

It was hard love every step of the way,
Hard to be so close to you, so hard to turn away,
And when all the stars and sentimental songs dissolved to day.
There was nothing left to sing about but hard love.

So I love you for your courage and your gentle
     sense of shame,
And I love you for your laughter and your language
     and your name,
And I knew it was impossible, but I loved you just the same,
Though the only love I gave to you was hard love.

It was hard love, it was hard on you I know,
When the only love I gave to you was love I couldn't show.
You forgave the heart that loved you as your lover
     turned to go,
Leaving nothing but the memory of hard love.

Now I'm standing in this phone booth with a dollar and a dime,
Wondering what to say to you to ease your troubled mind,
For the Lord's cross might redeem us, but our own just
     wastes our time,
And to tell the two apart is always hard, love.

So I'll tell you that I love you even though I'm far away,
I'll tell you how you change me as I live from day to day,
How you help me to accept myself and I won't forget to say,
Love is never wasted, even when it's hard love.

Yes it's hard love, but it's love all the same,
Not the stuff of fantasy but more than just a game.
And the only kind of miracle that's worthy of the name,
For the love that heals our lives is mostly hard love.